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I remember when I home schooled myself online during high school, I would stay up until 3 in the morning working. It was just me, a pot of Cafe Verona - sometimes Sumatra - and the silence.
Some of my best memories are sitting in that uncomfortable computer chair, working until the early hours of the morning, sipping cup after cup of coffee and…being productive. It was during that time, when the rest of the world had gone to bed, that I was able to focus, concentrate, and think.
My heart grew so much in the silence of those nights.
Later, during the Honor Academy, I became so exhausted when I had to wake up around the time that I usually would have gone to bed, that I forced myself to squash the night owl in me.
And even after the Honor Academy, I tried to teach myself to get into a “normal sleeping schedule” as my mom would say.
Moved back to Texas, got married, and started working opening shifts at The Buck. Again, getting up around the time that I would have been wandering down the hall to my room. My body got so used to waking up early that no matter what time I went to bed, I was up at the butt-crack of dawn. Up with the sun. And then, of course, my “sleeping schedule” changed again.
Too many transitions, too many changes, no adjusting.
And I’ve beat myself up for the last couple of days. A vicious cycle of being stressed out about all there is to do, but not having enough focus or energy to actually get it done. I’ll end my days with an overwhelming feeling of failure and of course, more stress.
But if these are my most productive hours, then these are my most productive hours. Sometimes I just can’t do the whole bed-at-ten-thirty-up-at-six deal.
A quad-one-inch-cold-breve-three-raw-espresso and another cup of coffee might have played a huge role in my nocturnal activity, but I’m thankful to finally be able to focus. Maybe all I need is just more caffeine.
Tomorrow, Christopher and I will have been married 6 months. It’s still so hard to believe, but it’s halfway done with one of the worst years of marriage. Every married person I’ve talked to has said the first year is the hardest (of course, not at all denying hard years of unexpected circumstances through out life).
I can’t believe it’s been almost 6 months. Half a year.
It seems like just yesterday we were answering the “How long have you been married?” question with “a month an a half”.
But I’m also thankful to have “gotten through” the first half.
It’s harder than anything I could have even expected or imagined.
There’s so much to learn.
And the transitions really shake every foundation you thought you had.
I’ve had lots of transitions in the last year.
Lots of shakin’.
I leave for Minneapolis in 11 days, and for Marquette in 13.
I can hardly stand it.
It seems that vacations always come at the most perfect time.
I need Jesus.
I always complicate these things
Been living everything for me
But who can match your grace
Your mercy can fill the darkest place
Still your love goes on
Still you break me down
Still your love runs free
Still you wash over me
Over me
I know sometimes I lose my way
And then my heart gets so afraid
But I realize I must walk by faith and not by sight
Still your love goes…
You wash over me
All is new
Oh, your love goes on
It’s all that I can say
Oh, your love goes on
It reaches all of me
Oh, your love goes on
Into my deepest dreams
Oh, your love goes on
And on and on and on
Still your love goes on…
I had to let go of some things - most things - today.
Everything.
Realizing where I’m wasting my time.
Where I’m investing with no eternal return.
No return.
So many things have been clouding my brain. The chaotic electricity that spins around and around with no release.
But there’s no release because I don’t seek any.
I don’t seek release.
I know where it is to be found.
I just get so caught up in being whipped around and around - trying to keep up the pace.
I ignore what I need most in this race.
Can’t run - can’t live - with out water.
“The more I drink of your word, the more I thirst for you…”
I get so overwhelmed with all I have to do. My to-do list grows bigger and more detailed every day. And sometimes I just can’t keep up. Sometimes I just can’t focus enough to get what I need to get done, done. I get so distracted by every bit of, and can’t slow down enough to take it one step at a time.
I’m overwhelmed by distraction.
Paralyzed by the overwhelming pressure.
But today I looked for the release.
I waited for it to rescue me.
And in the release - in the rescue - I was given a plan.
“YOU WILL KEEP IN PERFECT PEACE ALL WHO TRUST IN YOU; WHOSE THOUGHTS ARE FIXED ON YOU.”
(isa. 26:3)
You can.
You will.
Renew me with your peace.
And then I started thinking about this:
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.
Which led me to seeing how the Bible defines each of those.
Love: “love God, love people”
Joy: “exuberance about life!”
Peace: “serenity”
Patience: “willingness to stick with things”
Kindness: “compassion in the heart”
Goodness: “conviction that basic holiness permeates things and people”
Faithfulness: “loyal commitments”
Gentleness: “not needing to force our way in life”
Self-Control: “about to marshal and direct our energies wisely”
And I’m sitting here going,
“I NEED ALL OF THESE”
I need Jesus.
“But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives like…[see above]“
A life opposite of this develops out of trying to get your own way all the time.
But if you’ve chosen the fruitful life - life in the Spirit:
“let us make sure not to just hold it as an idea in our head, or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in EVERY DETAIL of our lives.”
Go God’s way.
Trust in Him.
He leads you to PEACE.
And so I’m thinking about all that I’ve read, and how I can apply it. I’m flipping through the Bible still, fumbling around the pages and patterns of letters, and I see this:
“SO HERE’S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO, GOD HELPING YOU: Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping eating, going-to-work, and walking around life - and place it before God as an offering.
Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him.
Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking.
Instead: FIX YOUR ATTENTION ON GOD - you will be changed from the inside out.
(”you will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you; whose thoughts are fixed on you“)
Readily recognize what he wants from you and quickly respond to it…God brings out the best in you!”
PEACE.
And every time I can feel it all closing in, I just keep thinking
“free your mind…and the peace of God will follow”
which might be the artsy-modern version of saying
“you will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you; whose thoughts are fixed on you”
TRUST.
FREE.
PEACE.
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I’m caught between the decision: vulnerably expose the pain inside, or ignore that everything feels so wrong.
And last night I had to come to terms with where I am, something I haven’t been willing to admit until now.
I’m living “the dream”, and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so lost, so broken, so alone. So…not myself.
A little too much time on your hand
So many things pressing your heart
Now you’re caught up in a brain storm
And the winds are tearing you apart
And what matter the most now
Shouldn’t matter at all
You forgot who’s holding you up
And He won’t let you fall
Who’s in control of your life
And knows better than you ever will
Who tells you time and again
Hush and be still
It’s time to recognize
That your answer in His eyes
Where the river flows If you’ll just
Free your mind
And the peace of God will follow
Just give yourself a little time
Don’t worry ’bout tomorrow
Don’t you know that His joy is your strength
Can you fathom it
Peace beyond your understanding
When you gonna grab a hold of it
Cause you’re life’s not your own
You can’t do it alone
There is a remedy if you will let go and just…
Free your mind
And the peace of God will follow
Just give yourself a little time
Don’t worry ’bout tomorrow
Don’t you know just thinking about it,
Ain’t gonna add one hour
Tell me who’s in control
I’m in the process of fixing my laptop. I’m debating whether or not to completely wipe the hard drive all together. But regardless of that decision, I’m still trying to get the millions of photos, documents, and music files off of here and onto either our external hard drive or disks.
So while I’ve been trying to rescue my ol’ Dell and get it somewhat up to speed with my life, I’ve been slowing down just enough to take a trip down “memory lane” while sorting through photos taken with best friends, and music from different seasons of my life.
All my life I’ve wanted to grow up. I’ve waited, for as long as I can remember, to be in the position that I am now: married, living in a cute little “urban-chic” apartment, with a little puppy (who I swear God made for me), and of course, living the dream: working for Starbucks.
I’ve waited so long to be where I am now, and yet going through those pictures, I was hit with something I didn’t expect when I was seven, dreaming of who I’d be when I grew up. I hadn’t counted on the loneliness I’d feel when I had moved to a new town. I hadn’t counted on the fact that my best friends, my family, and the place that I called home, would feel so painfully close in my heart, but so overwhelmingly far away from where I was.
Sometimes I feel like I’m living a different life. In a way I am, but it’s so astonishing to be hit with the realization that I live in two different worlds, separated by hundreds of miles. And if only I could combine the two: husband and home.
Right, I know that my home is supposed to be where my husband is, and that’s completely understandable and how it should be - in years from now. Because let’s be realistic here, home is a familiar place where you’re comfortable and settled. But the married life is almost completely opposite of that, especially in the first year.
We’ve only known each other a year, and have been married for almost half of that. (Ha! I just realized how different that seems in writing) We don’t have this long history, and while I love him, he’s not necessarily familiar yet. And as far as comfortable and settled: married life is like venturing out into “uncharted waters” on some flimsy raft (I seriously watch way too much Lost) completely unprepared for whatever the ocean brings your way. Really, you have storms, sunburns, sharks, “The Others” taking Walt from you…wait.
No, but seriously.
I know that some day I’ll feel comfortable, at home, and settled in “the married life”, but for now - while I wait for that - I’m missing home.
For now I feel like a not-so-carefree vagabond.
.
.
.
I didn’t want to go to the trouble to publish one and then post another. This part would just be my long-winded rambling.
I’m working at a new Starbucks now! It’s only about 6 - 8 blocks down from our apartment, which in New York City would be nothing, and you’d be crazy to drive that. I’m looking forward to a brand new store (it opens officially on the 15th) and being even closer to where we live. I’ll be working around 20 hrs./week just to bring in some cash that we can put into savings. Once I get the “green light” (from Jesus) I’ll start trying to move up in the company. Living the dream, dontcha know.
I’m still doing the Resident Director shin-dig. My numbers (of attendance) are slowly improving, and I think I tend to get discouraged instead of really understanding that I just have to keep on keepin’ on and God will take care of the rest. Praise Jesus that there’s growth. I’ve gotten to know a lot more of the residents since I’ve started here. That’s something! Tonight we had “Group Exercise” in the work out center. I was thinking no one was going to show up, but 5 of us were there, which is more than I had expected.
If you get the chance, please pray that God would have His favor on Christopher and me in our new jobs.
Speaking of Christopher, he’s loving being an Assistant Manager at his new store. The Manager he has is so committed to training him to be the best out of all of the Assistant Managers in our district so that they can promote him to store manager. She’s done a wonderful job! Christopher has been at the store for almost three weeks and he already knows everything he needs to know about running a store as a Store Manager. Plus, she thinks he smells good (the patchoulli and I will take the credit for that one!).
Last week, Howard Schultz CEO of Starbucks Coffee Co. announced a contest between all of the Starbucks stores in the nation. The store that has the biggest margin of growth in the next week with their whole-bean sales will have Howard Schultz personally visit the store to meet and congratulate all of the partners, and each partner will receive an i-touch (or whatever the heck is called. dude, I still have a shuffle). So far, Christopher’s store has sold insane amounts of whole beans. On Friday, they sold 1/3 of what they had sold during the whole contest Monday - Thursday. They announced that the winner of the contest is in our region (North Texas and a part of Oklahoma?) - we’re just waiting to hear the results in the next week.
I just keep praying that it’s Christopher’s store. He’s not my Assistant Manager but I know that with his character, personality traits, and passion, he will make an incredible Assistant Manager and an even better Store Manager. All he needed was for someone to believe that he had what it takes, take him under their wing, and teach him. And God set him up with a Manager like that. We’ve had His favor from the get-go and I can’t help but think that his store doing so well - with whole-bean sales to the point where they’re expecting to win the contest - is again, God’s favor.
I’ve been having all this time to get stuff done, but I feel like nothing is getting done. I even woke up at 7:30 this morning to get a head-start on the day, and didn’t get around to accomplishing things (other than a shower, taking care of Charlie, and making to-do lists) until 2:00 this afternoon. Where does the time go?
Some mornings I’m up, drinking my coffee (as usual), enjoying the morning and I think “maybe I should spend some time with Jesus”, but then my mind floats over to my to-do list and I immediately think “I don’t have time to do it right now, I’ll do it later”. Classic, huh? “Famous last words” as my Mom would say…
But today I was thinking that I’m not being as productive as I could be since I’m not prioritizing correctly. That’s the key.
The founder of the Methodist Church spent hours a day with God early on before he started his day. People would ask him how he had time to get everything done in the day by spending all of that time with Jesus. His reply was something similiar to that if he didn’t make time for Jesus early on, he wouldn’t be able to get as much done.
And logically, that doesn’t make sense. If you take the three extra hours you would have spent with Jesus, and spend them working you’d get more done, right?
Logically, but our hearts aren’t alive because of logic are they?
They’re alive because of faith.
Tomorrow I’m prioritizing and I know I’ll see a difference.
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I drove on the freeway today.
Truth be told, it was the one I was the least scared of (but scared nonetheless!).
But I still drove on the freeway.
And this is so sad, but I had this huge adrenaline rush right after I exited to get off because I had worked myself up so much before I made it to the freeway.
So sad.
I’m about to go do it again: face my fears.
During rush hour.
Great.
Not the best time.
I’m eating a wonderful salad, and perfectly content just to sit in my apartment and stare out the window and pretend that just because it’s bright and sunny outside means it’s 80 too! (it’s 50-something…BRR!)
Do we really understand? Can we fully comprehend?
The power and truth held in these words can shake foundations; change hearts.
Go in hungry.
With ears to hear, with a heart to understand, approach it with expectation.
Expectation that YOU WILL FIND.
GOD IS A GOD THAT WANTS TO BE FOUND.
Seek and find, especially in these days.
God is waiting to reveal His secrets, to reveal His plans, to be found by us.
He’s waiting to be seen.
Are we really looking? Do we really have eyes to see?
I think so many of us have been caught in this lie, that we can’t hear God, that He’s so far away off in Heaven somewhere.
Good news is, we aren’t living in pre-pentecostal days. He has put His Spirit INSIDE of us. INSIDE! Close to our hearts.
HE IS NOT A FAR-OFF GOD.
He is NEAR.
So close, that we can hear the whisper, if we truly listen.
Who created this perception of our God? Far off, too far away to hear, to far away to help.
Lies.
Seek the Lord while you can, and know that He’s not far away.
He’s waiting to be heard, waiting to be found.
Open your ears to hear, open your heart to understand.
Listen to what the Spirit of the Lord is saying.
“If you look for me wholeheartedly you will find me! I WILL BE FOUND BY YOU!” says the Lord. [Jer. 29:13,14]
“ASK ME and I WILL TELL YOU - remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come” [Jer. 33:3]
Seek wholeheartedly and find.
God, give us ears to hear You. Give us hearts to understand You. Put that desire inside of us to worship You, to know You more.
LET us love You more…
My heart breaks under this weight of desire to KNOW the heart of the Lord.
Let it be.
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I come bruised and beaten
Afraid of what you’ll think
And I’m amazed to find that you would have me
And in this broken body
I feel your love unfold me
And I weep
I weep at your touch
Cause you satisfy my longing
Lord you supply my deepest desires
And you let me see your glory
And I sing
I sing as I fall at your feet
So holy are you Lord
So gracious and merciful
Awake my soul
Awake my soul
And magnify the Lord
And I have found your presence to be sweeter than life
And I’ll abandon all just to taste you
Cause you move me beyond me
And you take me into your courts
And I lift my hand overhead
And I sing
I sing as I fall at your feet
So holy are you Lord
So gracious and merciful
Awake my soul
Awake my soul
And magnify the Lord
Awake my soul…
I forgot how much I love Lystra’s Silence.
My Dad bought this CD for me a long time ago, when the YFC board was preparing for FireUP, and I just remember sitting at my dining room table late into the night, listening to the songs over and over, reading and re-reading the lyrics, feeling as if my own heart wrote these songs.
It came at a perfect time. I clung to the truth found in those lyrics during those times I wandered through the wilderness.
Here I sit, late at night, listening to these songs over and over, feeling the meaning of each word resonate inside every deep and hidden place, once again, feeling as if my own heart wrote these songs.
They wrote my anthem, my heart’s cry.
Passionately.
And I stumbled upon these songs, again, at the perfect time. And as I let Jesus lead me out of the wilderness (this time I know it’s not forever - He is faithful) - I cling to the truths found in these lyrics.
Passionately.
Lately, I’ve been feeling as if my heart is buried somewhere in between the keys of this piano, in between the lines of recycled paper, in between a voice within.
I don’t even know where to start, but I just have this overwhelming passion rise up every time I get close to anything musical. And I don’t even know where to start.
I’m reaching.
Reaching, but not ignoring the many insecurities that come with choosing vulnerable creativity.
I’d like to keep the progression a secret.
Reaching. Secretly.
Oh my goodness!
I’m getting those bursts of joy again! I feel like I’m just bubbling over, or my heart is literally dancing inside my chest. Something really trippy like that, but it’s oh SO REAL!
What a glorious, glorious day! The wind is ushering in the sunshine and warm air today, bringing with it hope for new life and restoration that’s found in the season of spring. And I can’t contain the excitement.
The promise is still true.
I feel like Noah after he realized the flood had disappeared, and he saw the sun for the very first time in so many days, and this light was so much sweeter than the last time, because it not only came with magnificent colors painting a rainbow, but with a promise.
A promise for life.
Winter really tests you. I’m serious. Especially in the south.
I mean, you’re surrounded by dead trees, dead grass, and it’s butt-cold outside (ha! that’s so eloquent) but no snow to play in. Seriously, I bet that’s why God starts spring so early down south because he knows winter sucks so bad.
In Marquette, it’s cool when it’s winter, because you’re surrounded by white snow blanketing everything in sight. The sun shines and makes you feel like you’re living in glitter-land…er…Narnia? Winter up north is beautiful — if you can get past the shoveling, snow-blowing, getting caught in a ditch, and the fact that it lasts for almost half a year — and now that I’m going through that list I’m thinking maybe 2 months of crap-winter isn’t as bad…oh wait, no, it is. I hate southern winters.
But on the plus side, it makes the spring that comes so much more exciting. When the weather starts to turn and you realize that in the first week of February you’re walking your dog in a tank top and capris, you can’t help but LOVE living down here. 80 in February, yes, thank you!
And I’m so glad that all of this excitement is happening in February because, can I please just say that the month of February sucks? Really. It sucks. Look at the rest of the year, there’s something exciting in every month, except for February. Well, for me anyways.
And God knows, I hate transition, and February is such a transition-month. You’re moving from the holidays and the new year, hoping for spring and summer to come, and waiting, waiting, waiting for the month to be over.
Or it could be just me…
But this is why I’m just so thankful that spring is here!
Moses reminded the Iraelites that they should always celebrate that day in early spring, the day that they were set free. It’s exactly how I feel. God reminds us of His promises as he takes old life and turns it into new life again. He reminds us as He restores.
I can see the sunshine along with the first hints of Spring, and like the rainbow, be reminded of God’s faithfulness.
It’s almost He’s hid all of this beauty during the winter, only to reveal it - in all of it’s glory - at the dawn of Spring.
I’ll rejoice forever in His creation and His faithfulness.
He keeps His promise to bring new life.
He restores.
I feel like I’m seriously on drugs. I can’t stop bouncing in my seat.
I’m free!!
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My house is completely quiet, nothing but the humming of this computer and the typing rhythm that’s heard as each finger jumps from key to key as if it knows exactly where to go next. The earl grey is almost cold now, which I expected, since I’ve ignored it to upload my wedding pictures instead, and my house is clean, but even as I sit here I can think of a dozen things I could do around here as opposed to this.
It never stops. I’m working on that though. I’ve always been the one that can’t relax until the very last item on my daily to-do list has an incredibly satisfying bold check mark alongside it. I can’t just sit here and really enjoy it all until everything is done and there’s nothing left to do except for enjoying the calm.
Papers scattered across the desk, makes things noisy when I’m trying to concentrate, and the bed unmade makes it hard to really relax.
Yes, I know, they call it OCD.
I have my moments.
I just need to write.
Write, write, write.
They might call this my crazy-therapy.
It works.
We started going to this new church, it’s called Deliverance Bible Church and they have a few throughout the country, like Chicago, Hollywood, and a new one is going up in Seattle soon. The “home base” is in Hurst - just 20 minutes from where we live in Downtown Fort Worth. It reminds me a lot of The Tab (which I know, isn’t “The Tab” anymore…). It’s just small but not too small, and chill. You can tell that there is a lot of freedom in that place.
DBC is made up of a lot of “edgy” people, but unlike similar churches, they are very uncompromising about their faith and how they live out Love to be like Jesus. There’s a big prayer ministry that is building at this church, and they’re hopefully starting a 24/7 HOP. So good.
I’ve only been to one Sunday service and one Friday night Prayer&Worship meeting, but I’m really hoping that my “church shopping” (that’s so bad…) days are over. I’ve been in this town for over half a year, and still haven’t made any Jesus-loving friends. Of course, there aren’t any replacements for my kindred-spirit-friends that are so far away from me, but doesn’t something of the sort exist down here?
Tears cloud my eyes as I’m reminded of how lonely I feel sometimes all the way out here in Ft. Worth. Everyone keeps telling me that it takes time, but I’m just so…hungry. Yearning. Needing.
I know He sees it, and I know there’s a reason, but it just hurts when I feel like half of my heart is up north with my family and friends, and the other half is down here with my husband. I just feel like that’s so wrong to not “be all there”.
I’ve never really been a homesick person, that is, until I got to Texas. It’s part of growing up, I know, but isn’t “friends enter here” supposed to show up on the script sometime soon, at least?
I just keep having to learn to trust that God knows what He’s doing even though I can’t see.
Oh, what a pity party.
Isn’t that always the lesson, though? Learning to see with the eyes of God instead of our worrying-control-freak-humanistic eyes?
To really see with perfect vision.
That’s been “the theme”.
(This is good news that there’s a “theme” again, it means I’m learning)
To live with Heavenly Senses.
LOVE SENSES.
We’re at this prayer meeting on Friday night; all twenty or so standing in a circle and holding hands. Everyone is passionately (and loudly) praying, and my heart was just quieted by this roar of praying people surrounding me. I just felt like I could really lose myself in the beautiful chaos. Really lose myself.
And as I stood there - ironically peaceful - seemingly resounding from inside my heart - all I could hear was this creatively beautiful melody:
Open my eyes so I can see
Open my ears so I can hear
Open my heart and make me new
Make me Jesus more like You…
“So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.” [Col. 3:1,2]
I can’t see all that He’s doing now, but I know because it’s always been this way that He always works in the best interest of Love, and if I’m following Him, it’s in my best interest as well.
You are my God.
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I spent the last half of 2007 saying that “when life slows down…” I would write (in this case blog) again.
The first half of 2007 had 133 blog postings. Not at all counting personal journal entries or study notes and applications.
Now, I don’t know if my life has slowed down at all by any means, but I’ve gone too long without “unloading” the chaos inside my mind onto paper…or…text boxes. I’ve gone too long without reading, too long without writing, too long without connecting with my passion to teach, explain, communicate, and learn.
Life, actually has sped up a bit, but the good news is - and this is what puts me in “my element” - is that in this new season I have more of the freedom to choose how to spend my time.
I really am back in my element. I spent most of my high school “career” working independently out of my home. It’s what I’m used to. Then I move to Texas, I start living the dream (working for Starbucks), and try my best to get used to working on some one else’s time frame, yet still being able to have time (make time) for the things I want (need!) to do.
The next step has just been plunked in our laps. It’s a day by day thing of looking, waiting, searching more, and finding by surprise the next direction, for us. One of those would be the fact that we no longer have to pay rent for our apartment. I have taken on the job of “Resident Director” at our apartment complex (www.homesofparkercommons.com). I’m in charge of resident activities and other opportunities that will help to instill more of a community-like feel here at our “home”.
Each month I put together a calender, mid-month newsletter, welcome new residents, provide activities and social gatherings that comply with our contract we have with the state of Texas and affordable housing tax credit programs. Since we offer homes for Section 8 residents, we are required to offer social service activities and programs that will help to better the lives of residents living on property.
I work with a wide variety of people from all different races, sizes, and backgrounds. I love the opportunity for growth in our neighborhood, but right now the challenge is…getting people to come. I’ve taken the rest of January off from Starbucks to get this activities program rolling. I’ll be going back in February to work around 15 hours a week (with my sister-in-law who just got hired!) along with the RD position here at the apartment complex.
Please, if you would, pray for a strong following with the residents here on property. This is such a huge ministry opportunity and influence that I could have…if people would come. God really has given me this job, and I have been doing it faithfully - the best I know how to. I really am venturing into unfamiliar waters with this position. God, I need You…
In other good news, Christopher is now the Assistant Manager at the Hulen & Donnelly Starbucks. He interviewed for the position with hopes to be placed at a store only a mile away from our apartment. He didn’t get it. But we knew that there was a bigger plan - a better plan.
We really have been blessed. He’s now working for a store manager that wants to make him the best ASM in the district. She’s already preparing him to move up into his own store in the next year. She’s training him with encouraging expectations…
[that was your recap]
In the last year, I’ve started a new life with a new (and only!) husband, a new dog, a new job, a new apartment and without a lot of other things I would have loved to bring down here with me from Michigan. For example, my family, my best friends, my church, my organizations, my mentors, my chiropractor, my Dad’s health insurance, the wild berry dots that only exist in Marquette apparently, the best brand of patchouli, my backyard, the snow, my room, and many other things that might seem insignificant to any individual except for myself.
Many of these things can never be replaced, but you move forward hoping to build a life of even deeper value.
Many of these things can be easily replaced and seem completely insignificant but it’s the familiarity that comes with the day-to-day things.
That’s why I’m so excited for spring to come back to Texas. Not because I’m looking forward to the suffocating heat that will follow, but because it’s familiar.
I’ve spent a year in Texas already, the scents in the air that come with the new seasons trigger memories that make the time familiar; comforting. Like opening the windows at the first hint of spring, grabbing some coffee, and a little inspiration to relax and write while the rest of the world seems quiet enough to hear inside.
And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to explain how comforting the sense of familiarity is, but maybe the easiest way to say it would be that it feels like home.
I haven’t been home for almost 2 years now. And I’m learning to try - to at least try - to make it home, wherever I am. And I am being blessed for it. It’s feeling more like home than it ever has since I’ve been in Texas…
It’s feeling familiar.
Somehow every thing’s gonna fall
Right in
To place
If we only had a way
To make it all
Fall faster everyday
